Praise the Lord - The Pint is Safe

As a keynote speaker and business humorist, I quite often speak on Change and how business must adapt to change. However, some things should not be changed. Never. Ever. Not even after that. One of those is the “pint,” as in the pint measure of Guinness.

As part of European Union membership, Ireland adopted the metric system some years ago. State roads have switched to kilometers and weights are now in kilos. The imperial measure of lbs. and ounces has gone the way of Rod Blagojevich. Today, you buy your soft drinks and petrol (OK gas) in liters, everything except, praise the Lord, the pint of Guinness.

Yes, in a milestone announcement, the Brussels bureaucrats have said the “pint” is safe and no self respecting Irishman will be forced to ask for a ‘half liter of Guinness barman.’ For those of you who wonder why this evokes such an emotional response from all right thinking Irishmen and Irishwomen I offer you the following excerpt on the Brand Experience from my book Why Ireland Never Invaded America. Enjoy, preferably with a beautiful, smooth pint of Guinness at your fingertips.
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Sitting at the bar, Jake scanned the interior of the
pub. Walls were covered with framed photographs
of sporting occasions; many were sports Jake had
difficulty comprehending. Sports jerseys bearing the
logo, “Jack McCarthy’s Bar,” bedecked the far wall.

“Finbarr, a person could die of thirst here. How
long does it take to pour a pint of Guinness?”

“Jake, you are a heathen. Do you not know that
Guinness is a religious experience, man? It is also a
cultural experience and a work of art. You cannot,
Jake, you cannot rush a work of art, no matter how
much you want to. Can you imagine how da Vinci
would have felt, when painting the Mona Lisa, like, if
he got a phone call from his patron to say, ‘Hey, Leo,
is da painting of me missus ready yet?’ He wouldn’t
have been too impressed, me lad, not too impressed
at all. It’s the same with this black magic we are
waiting on. Guinness isn’t just a product. It is an
experience, and that, me boyo, is what you should be
offering your customers with your products—an
experience. You’ve got to give them a reason to
purchase beyond just the core product.”

Two pints of Guinness appeared in front of the
cousins. Jake moved to lift his pint and was gently
chided by Finbarr.

“Take it easy, man. Just look at that work of art in
front of you. Appreciate it. Don’t drink it yet, it hasn’t
settled. Look. Look and wonder at the way those tiny
orphan bubbles are moving through the glass,
seeking rest in some Guinness wonderland. When
those bubbles finally cease, when those brown clouds
finally settle, when you have a clean black beautiful
pint in front of you, that—Jake, that, is when you
raise the magical brew to those parched lips of yours.”
“Jeez, you’re making this like a sacred
experience.”

“And is it not?” said Finbarr, his voice rising in
mock horror. “You know, we have numerous
Guinness connoisseurs who come in here every
night, not for the drink mind, but just to be able to
watch—and wonder—and wait, as their pint of
Guinness settles.”

“Yeah, right. Of course, to appreciate that a few
times a night, they have to drink the pint.”

“That’s right. That’s right. But that’s only an afterthought,
a side benefit, like. I reckon those guys
would rather watch the pint settle than look at
Pamela Anderson.”

“They’re obviously perverts, Finbarr. Now do you
Why Ireland Never Invaded America
mind if I take my first drink?”

“Knock it back, Jake. You deserve it. But when
doing it, remember, that it’s more than the product
you are consuming.”

Jake sipped at the creamy pint and wiped his
upper lip in appreciation.

“It’s like mother’s milk, isn’t it, Jake?”

“Yeah, it’s good stuff. Guinness must be one of
the best known brands in the world, Finbarr.”

“That’s right. That’s right. You know you can
debate until the cows come home how Guinness
developed the image and loyalty it has today, but
whatever it is, Guinness and a small number of other
brands have a unique magic which ensures that their
consumer pull—brand loyalty if you like—is much
greater than it logically should be. A kind of ‘je ne
sais quoi’ if you will.”

“Ooh, that’s pretty posh.”

“Shut up and drink your pint. I’m trying to be
serious here. You can’t put a value on that brand
magic. It’s what Harley-Davidson has got and it’s
what Starbucks has got. Jake, if you could ever
develop a sense of magic around your brand, that is
when you will start to make some real money,
because consumers will be buying your product—
not for its core, but for something intangible.”

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Makes you thirsty, doesn't it?