Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Spoof Obama Inaugural - (with a nod to JFK, FDR, LBJ, Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton)

Mr. Vice President, Chief Justice, President Cheney – sorry, President Bush, VP Cheney and friends.

Just 48 years ago another young skinny senator kid with a paltry senate record stood before you - John Fitzgerald Kennedy. His words have echoed through the ages. I recall those words when I say we should banish from this great land the logic of “Ask Not” as in - 'Ask Not what Bernie Madoff can do for you, ask what you can do for Bernie Madoff' or, as some might suggest ask what YOU can do to Bernie Madoff.

This indeed is a historic moment.

We must think bigger. We must go beyond the words of that fine upstanding Democrat Franklin Delano Roosevelt who said the only thing “we have to fear is, fear itself.”

We must think bigger.

Not only should we fear - fear itself but:
We should also fear a tanking economy:
We should fear high unemployment rates:
We should fear falling prices and as politicians:
We should fear most of all - Illinois District Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald.

We are going through tough times. Yes we are. Some worried Americans ask - 'Is the economy in depression?' I say to you – it depends upon what the meaning of ‘is’ - is.

My fellow Americans, a number of comments have been made about my godlike qualities and where I was born. It reminds me of a story about Lyndon Johnson. President Johnson once corrected a supporter who asked was he born in a log cabin. ‘Heck no,’ he replied, ‘You’re thinking of Lincoln. I was born in a manger.’

Me – a Messiah?

While I will not admit it, neither … will I deny it.

Some of the comments about my circumstance have occurred because of the three wise men. Three wise men who came bearing gifts (No, I do not mean Tony Rezko). I mean of course the three wise men - Warren Buffet, David Axelrod and Joe Biden who brought gifts of Gold, Frankly Sense and - Mirth.

I want to thank all of you who provided good wishes to me not least my Irish friends who I understand sing a song that goes “O’Leary, O’Reilly, O’Hare and O’Hara, there is no one as Irish as Barack Obama.”

Me - Irish?

While I will not admit it, neither … will I deny it.

However Ireland’s favorite drink – Guinness – must surely be a memorable symbol that we can all look to. Where else? - in such a confined space have we seen black and white come together in such a magical, wonderful combination – a combination of black and white that makes you believe - you can rule the world, yes a combination of black and white that helps you forget any problem. But we have not achieved full equality. We have not yet achieved full equality in this country and we will not know we have reached full equality until the chief diversity officer in a major Fortune 500 company is … a white middle aged male.

My ideas, my strength, my belief in American comes from you the people, the people who elected George Bush – twice. I would not be here today without your support, your ideas.

Your ideas, your words have give me strength. I recall early in the election campaign visiting a Campbell’s soup factory. While walking the production line speaking to carefully vetted factory employees to show that I related to the common man, I spoke with Dmitri Martin, a man whose parents emigrated to the United States penniless to live the American dream, a man who is struggling to make ends meet.

Asking penetrating questions at this soup factory I said:
“Dmitri, do you can French Onion soup? ”

He responded “Yes - we can.”

“And New England Clam Chowder”?

“Yes – we can”

“And Italian Wedding soup?”

“Yes - we can.”

“And Scotch Broth?”

"Yes - we can."

I left that factory with the seed of an idea. Yes - we can.

It also made me realize that this country is one large melting pot of different ethnic flavors and origins.

I have been elected on a platform of change. Even since my election there has been more of this. For instance, many of Bernie Madoff’s clients have been left with nothing, nothing but … change.

I want to address some words to my republican friends.

To Joe the plumber I say “Joe, pay your taxes.”

To Russ Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and others, I paraphrase the words of that fine singer Paul Simon and say,

Hop on the bus Russ,
Don’t be a Yawn Sean,
Ann, Ann, Yes We can - Ann
And get yourself free.

I have spoken previously about bi-partisanship.

This great country was built on respect for people’s opinion, yes respect for people’s opinion, as long as it was the same opinion as your own. This great country needs more bi-partisanship. This great country needs more inclusiveness. As President, I want to and I will - include everyone. Yes everyone except Governor Rod Blagojevich.

My fellow Americans, I want this to be a presidency of hope - hope for amazing things.

As I take the office of President;
Yes - you can hope:

That your whites will wash whiter - Yes you can hope,

That green traffic lights will stay greener - Yes you can hope,

That someday a police car will come to a complete stop at a stop sign - Yes, you can hope,

that we move away from --- an economy of bankers, for the bankers, by the bankers.

Finally, you can hope that this fine country will see better and brighter days. Some fine Americans have noted that even since my election, the days are already getting longer!

Can I take credit for this?

My friends I will not admit it, neither - will I deny it.

Dream? Yes - we can. We can bring the sound of recovery, we can bring the Sound of Music back to America

Climb every mountain? Yes – we can.
Ford every stream? Yes – we can.
Follow every rainbow? Yes – we can.
‘Til we find our dream. Yes – we can.

God Bless America

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